Have you ever had a bad day and shared what happened to you with a family member, friend, or spouse only to have them say “Are you sure that’s really what they said?”

I mean, as if I am three years old and can’t comprehend events in my own life? Really? I always try to give folks the benefit of the doubt and think that surely they have no idea how inherently hurtful that question is every time it is posed to me. But sometimes I actually allow myself to have a human reaction and I lose it. I now realize that some people just can’t relate to my life, so to prevent this problem from occurring I now only seek advice and fellowship from a fabulous group of likeminded individuals that are a part of a Facebook group that I created. The closed group is a safe place in which we feel free to discuss things going on in our lives as married couples and folks in serious relationships. I affectionately refer to my group as the family that I chose.

I fell madly in love with my husband, David, over eighteen years ago. He came into my life at a time when I thought that I was the cat’s meow. I was super successful in business, bought my first house when I was 19, and loved the way that I looked and felt. There was no shortage of men trying to holla at me. I was raised abroad, so I basically dated anyone that I liked. The guys didn’t have to fit into a specific box or category. I dated a professional athlete, a lawyer, a UPS driver, an unemployed dude – basically I didn’t really have a type other than that I am really ONLY attracted to extremely intelligent men.

I was (AM) a totally cray workaholic who slept no more than four hours per night and was determined to prove myself because I am bastard child who desperately needs folks to SEE me. Oh, fair warning, I am annoyingly self aware. I say all of that to say that I didn’t really have that much time for dating. So, I took a chance and went on a date with David and was surprised at how much we actually had in common and how I instantly trusted him and felt safe in his presence. I also discovered that he is probably one of the smartest people that I have ever met in my life and not just book smart, he is truly a master of ALL trades.

Fast forward eighteen years, we have been married for 13 years and are sublimely happy (when at home). There is always a pink elephant in the room when my husband and I are out in public. SocieTHEY, aka nosey folks who always have something negative to say about other people’s lives, react to us in rather peculiar ways. Sometimes, socieTHEY stare and point, or ask us to validate our choice in a spouse. We are almost always asked if we need two checks when we go out to dinner, and at the grocery store cashiers ask if we need a divider to separate our groceries. The worst for me is that socieTHEY actually think that I married my husband for the #glowup when actually, I was more successful and had far more money than him when we first met. SocieTHEY also think that my husband married me because of some sexual fetish. I mean, I hold it down, but damn that isn’t the ONLY reason that he married me!

Oh, pardon my manners, did I forget to mention that David is a white man and that I am a black woman? Well, it shouldn’t matter anyway and THAT is exactly my point.

Smooches,

Buffie